Everyone is limited. We are limited by time, individual capacity, knowledge, physical limitations. You name it. The last few weeks have been a testament to my own limited nature. Through sickness and a mental and emotional fog I’ve been reminded of my own weakness and Christ’s power.
My entire family got sick.
A few weeks ago my son brought something home from daycare. Instead of bringing back a poorly drawn piece of artwork on a crumpled piece of paper, he brought back a cold.
What started as a small cold in a small child eventually took out the entire family. My son took the cold like a champ (he was better in just a day or two) but my daughter was sick from Sunday to Thursday with a terrible cough and fever. My wife and I got our fair share too.
The week of sickness reminded me just how frail people are. Something as simple as a cold was able to wear out our entire family for a week. How humbling.
Weeks like this remind me that I am not as self-sufficient and as strong as I think I am. They remind me of my deep dependance upon God. Every breath is from him. Jesus Christ is sustaining all things - including my self and my family (Colossians 1).
That week caused me to consider my own attitude and thoughts. I was quick to frustration with my children who were also sick. Quick to selfishness. I wish I could say that this was “just because I was sick”. But the truth is that the sickness just revealed what was hiding in my heart the whole time. It was just easier to hide the selfishness whenever I felt well. While I was sick, I didn’t make too many attempts to hide it - I wanted my wife to pay attention to me and for my children not to be “too needy”. This is the opposite attitude that Christian’s should have.
Philippians 2:3-5 tells us
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,”
So as I breathed through a stuffy nose and prayerfully fought against a selfish heart, I was reminded of my deep need for a savior who can sustain me.
Walking through the fog.
While the sickness was miserable for my family, what is worse is a mental and emotional dullness that I experienced for the last several months. For a while I struggled to even describe what this felt like. Looking back now, it felt like my mind and heart were walking through a dense fog.
Mentally, I struggled to think clearly, taking much longer to think through problems at work, home, or wherever. During this time, I would often lose focus on the issue at hand and find my mind wandering to something else. It was as if my normal cognitive functions were being slowed down or hindered by something I couldn’t recognize.
Emotionally, things just felt dull. The fog metaphor is appropriate here. It felt as if I knew there was the light of a sunrise just in front of me. I kept walking towards it, hoping that the cold fog would clear eventually. But despite the fact that I was walking towards the sunlight, I often only felt the cold, damp fog pressing in on all sides. In practical terms - I wanted to be joyful, but I felt anxiety or tiredness. Most days this left me feeling disappointed in myself for not living up to what I wanted to be.
Spiritually, I struggled to “get much” out of my bible reading. I’d read the Scriptures and pray daily, but I’d walk away at times wondering what I was supposed to “take away” from that. But the point of reading wasn’t to “get something out of it”, it was to read Words of Life. I read it to get a glimpse of Jesus and to remember His promises.
I’ve been slowly climbing out of this fog over the last few weeks. I’ve spent some time asking “Why did this season come now?” - I don’t have a lot of answers.
I examined my life for unconfessed sins. I tried exercising more. I tried taking a break from exercising. I tried paying attention to what I ate and how much caffeine I was drinking. I paid attention to the type and amount of media I was consuming. I tried a lot of things.
One certain factor is the recent birth of our son. He’s very young and isn’t sleeping through the night yet. Several months of that will catch up to anyone and sleep deprivation for extended periods of time can certainly influence a person’s cognitive and emotional state.
While I think the sleep deprivation influenced this season, I think there was more to it that I just can’t put my finger on. This fog felt much deeper than what sleep deprivation brings on. Whatever it is, I know that the Lord allowed me to go through it. He knows the ultimate purpose in it and He isn’t required to share that purpose with me.
This isn’t the first season of mental and emotional fog that I’ve experienced, and for that I am thankful. The first time I can remember feeling this way for such a long period of time was 10 years ago as a college student. Since then, these seasons have come and gone - some for just a few weeks and others for several months. I’ve learned that even in the midst these seasons, the Lord has not left me alone.
Maybe you’ve experienced seasons like this too. The Lord has not left you alone either.
The Bible reminds us of this reality all the time. Remember Psalm 34. Here are two sections of it. First, verses 8 - 10:
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!
The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
And later on, verses 19 - 22:
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
He keeps all his bones;
not one of them is broken.
Affliction will slay the wicked,
and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
The Lord redeems the life of his servants;
none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.
The Lord is aware of the afflictions that his people go through, and he is faithful to deliver his people from every one of them.
It also helps me to remember that Jesus experienced every temptation that my frail humanity brings - yet he did not fall into sin. Hebrews 4:14-16 says:
“Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Even now, as Jesus intercedes for Christians everywhere before the Father, he knows what it’s like to feel exhausted from a sickness. He knows my temptation towards selfishness in the midst of sickness and weakness. I’m thankful that he knows it. He has endless compassion to those who turn to Him, no matter how weak or frail that person might be - people just like me.
Christ’s Power
I am also reminded of Christ’s great grace, compassion, and power. My body isn’t able to stand up to a simple cold. My mind and my heart are prone to seasons of fog. Through all of this, Christ’s power is made more evident.
1 Corinthians 1:26-31 says
For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”
2 Corinthians 12:8-10 says
Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Christ chose weak people like you and me so that his glory, grace, and power will be displayed.
As I wrap up I want to offer some things to do if you find yourself feeling this way:
Keep reading your Bible. Don’t stop. Read passages like Psalm 34. Read the Bible in search of God’s promises. Highlight them, memorize them, read them over and over .
Keep praying. God hears you. He is listening to your prayers and he cares for you.
Tell a friend. Don’t wallow through the fog on your own. Let a friend know. It isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes we just need a guide to make it through the haze.
Go to counseling. As you’re talking with your friend he or she might suggest seeking out a counselor. The folks over at Anchored Hope are highly trained biblical counselors who ready to help you. I’m a counselor there myself. Hit the button below to check out Anchored Hope and to sign up for counseling.
Be kind to yourself. You’re not a superhero. Maybe this fog has arrived to remind you of that. Instead, look to the God who knows all things and has the power to do anything He pleases. He cares for you and He is kind to you. So trust Him and be kind to yourself too.
Finally, two things helped me get through these weeks:
Kings Kaleidoscope recently released a new album titled Baptized Imagination. I’ve been a fan of Kings Kaleidoscope for a few years now and this album is great. I’ll be returning to it regularly.
Psalm 34:6 says “This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles.” Isn’t that the story of every Christian? I’ve had this verse on my mind for the last several weeks. God hears you when he cries out and he is ready to save.
I’d love to hear from you. Leave a comment on this post! Have you gone through times like this? What hope do you have to offer people in the midst of a foggy season?